Clinton and Brandon, our sons, just moved off to school this week. We filled their cars and our truck and trailer full with all they need to make a new home for themselves at school. It was a fabulous 19 hour day moving them in to their respective apartments and helping them to set up their new homes. As all of this occurred, I began thinking back over the summer and how absolutely p-e-r-f-e-c-t it was, with all of the flaws, noise, chaos, laughter, spills, jokes, hugs, tears, embraces, hellos and goodbyes. It was perfect.
This summer is one I will never forget. It has been 4 years since the Torian 4 have lived together under 1 roof for any length of time and it was absolutely FANTASTIC!
You see our eldest son, Clint, chose to work full-time and go to school at a local junior college in order to complete his basics after high school graduation. Our youngest son, Brandon, chose to join the Marines right after high school.
Jump forward 4 years and once Brandon’s release date was coming near, he began making plans for college. Together the boys made a decision to attend MSU in the fall.
Not only did we have the joy of having our adult children live in our home for the summer, but Brandon adds a 9 week old German shepherd puppy to the mix!! Oh and one other thing, Robert and I had just adopted a 6 month old boxer/bulldog puppy back in January. So we now have 2 adult sons AND 2 puppies living under our roof. Now you are getting a clearer picture of the chaos here, aren’t you?
I had to COMPLETEY let go of the way I like my home to look and smell. My home is not show room material by any means, but I do like cleanliness and a ‘messy’ sort of order. This was a challenge for me.
This is kind of how letting go of having the perfect body is for most of us.
I feel truly blessed to have had another summer with my sweet family all together, along with the adorable new canine members.
But, to be honest, it was very chaotic, messy, noisy, crazy and fun, fun, fun!!
But perfect with all the imperfections.
The home had become used to quiet, slow, easy, calm.
This was the complete opposite!
It was ABSOLUTELY perfect!!!
I love when my life experiences line up with something I am working on in my own life or teaching my clients.
This is all about perfection.
The perfect family, the perfect home, the perfect wardrobe, the perfect body to wear the wardrobe, the perfect car, the perfect dadadadada…etc. The list goes on.
Society strives for this false perfection. Not just in body. It may start there, but it trickles into every aspect of life. Pretty soon the desire is perfection straight across the board. This is exhausting and extremely harmful to the psyche. This pulls the body into a stress response and you lose all ability for the metabolism to burn the amount of calories needed to maintain your body’s desired and natural weight.
The challenge here is that we understand perfect to mean flawless. When truly it is the flaws that make us and our experiences perfect.
If we can shift our perception to what perfect really is, then p-e-r-f-e-c-t would be something to strive for.
Marc David with the Institute for the Psychology of Eating says, “seeking perfection is a virus and something to fight.” Don’t let the virus of seeking perfection infect you. It can and will eat you alive.
During the first years of my marriage, I sought perfection in every aspect of my life. I had to be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister and personal trainer. I had to have the perfect body, too. I was never happy with mine. No matter what size or how fit, I was never happy. It truly was a virus that I was infected with.
Once I exhausted myself emotionally, anxiety over not being perfect began to lead my life.
A client of mine had this same type experience. Instead of anxiety, her experience led to binge eating.
How is your desire for perfection infecting your life?
Because of this experience with my sons this summer, it continues to remind me that perfect isn’t flawless. Perfect is flawed and beautiful.
Shift your belief of perfection.
When you look in the mirror, see your beauty, your flaws and how perfectly they align to make the one – beautiful – you. There is no other like you. You are perfect in every way, for your life’s journey!
Stop seeking this false perfection that can never be reached. Enjoy your life, your relationships, your family, your children AND your body. Love on her and she will love you right back.
2 thoughts on “Chaotic Perfection”
Oh goodness. I just want to let go a big sigh about this that you wrote: “The desire is perfection straight across the board. This is exhausting and extremely harmful to the psyche. This pulls the body into a stress response and you lose all ability for the metabolism to burn the amount of calories needed to maintain your body’s desired and natural weight.”
So it not only messes up our minds, our self-image, our love of self (and others), but it directly opposes what we desire by messing up our bodies’ abilities to work properly.
I’m so grateful that you learned this, Ashly, and are sharing it with us.
Thank you Camille. I am so glad it resonates with you.
Once w get this down, we could actually be free…oh what a feeling!